A Heart Full of Lies Read online

  He stood behind Sasha as she looked in the bathroom mirror at him. He rubbed her back, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissed her neck. “I’m sorry baby. I’m so sorry. I’d apologize everyday if you wanted me to.”

  She laid her head back on his chest as he spread her legs apart.

  “You love me Sasha?”

  She let out a soft moan as he slid two fingers in her pussy. “Always.”

  Chapter Two: Bitch Don’t Kill My Vibe

  Skyy looked at the time on her phone getting agitated. It was going on five, and Erin, Sasha, and Jeanette hadn’t shown up yet. She hadn’t seen them in almost two weeks, and hadn’t spoken to them in almost one. Though it was such a short period of time since she had seen her friends, her life had taken a major turn. The need to vent was real and she couldn’t just vent to anybody, she had to talk to her girls, her sisters.

  She needed the upfront, uncut, raw, bluntness she knew Erin would give her. The motherly love, patience, and understanding she knew she would get from Sasha. Most importantly, the guidance, support, and helpful advice Jeanette gave. All so different, yet they looked out for her the same. Friends for almost a decade she trusted them with her deepest, darkest secrets, and knew they always had her best interest at heart. She had been keeping a secret though, not really knowing how to address it, or how to say it.

  Skyy heard murmuring coming from outside her apartment door, she took a deep breath and opened the door. “It took y’all long enough.”

  Jeanette walked past her. “We stopped and got food and drinks, is that alright with you?” she asked sarcastically.

  Erin entered behind her giving Skyy an air kiss, and then headed to the kitchen toting several bags. When she didn’t see Sasha she frowned. “Where’s Sash? Shawn wouldn’t let her come out and play?”

  Jeanette sat her bag on the table. “She’s coming, she texted me and said something came up.”

  Skyy sighed. “Good.” She looked through the bag Jeanette brought in. “Moscato? Really Jeanette?”

  “What? What’s wrong with Moscato?” she asked skeptically.

  “Bitch, it’s not strong enough for one, and two, you know that shit bloats my stomach.” she whined.

  Jeanette took one of the bottles out the paper bag and held it up like she was advertising it. “This is a mellow drink. Every time you have a drink it doesn’t have to be hard liquor, be classy sometimes. Your stomach probably bloats because you drink too damn much.”

  Erin poked her head out the kitchen. “Y’all want some ice? And why y’all always bickering, be nice.”

  Skyy laughed. “That’s Jeanette’s ass thinking she “classy” for some reason.”

  Jeanette frowned. “I’m not about to start with you tonight Skyy, whatever. You can get sloppy drunk by yourself, that’s not cute.”

  Erin entered the living with four glasses. Sitting them on the table, she plopped down onto the couch on her stomach. “She’s right Skyy, you drink too damn much.”

  Skyy sat on top of Erin. “No bitch, YOU drink too damn much.”

  Jeanette laughed. “Y’all BOTH drink too damn much.” Skyy threw a couch pillow, and Jeanette dodged it. “You missed hoe.”

  The knock on the door startled them all. Jeanette got up to look out the peep hole, “Who is it?” she sang.

  They heard Sasha curse then state, “It’s Sasha.” Jeanette opened the door and Sasha walked in with an apparent attitude. “Y’all play too much.”

  Erin sighed. “Quit being so damn serious all the time.”

  Sasha ignored her taking her jacket off and headed towards the kitchen.

  Skyy hit Erin playfully. “You see she mad, leave her alone, you know she’s a Diva.”

  Erin pushed her off her. “She know I’m playing.” she yelled into the kitchen. “DON’T YOU SASH?”

  Sasha came back with bottled water and four shot glasses. “I can hear y’all talking about me, tramps.”

  Erin laughed. “Just give me my shot glass, what you got water for?” She reached for one of the wine glasses on the table and pulled out a Swisher Sweet cigar pack. “Sasha this is what you need, this is happiness right here. You always serious jones, lighten up.”

  Sasha plumped down on the love seat and kicked her tennis shoes off. “With the kinda fucked up day I’ve had? You’d be serious too.” She rested her head back and closed her eyes.

  Jeanette sat Indian style on the floor in the front of the table. “You ok?”

  Sasha shrugged. “Let me calm down. It’s just a lot weighing on me, and Shawn’s ass is not helping.”

  Erin sparked her blunt, took a drag, and put it out. “So what’s up Skyy, you just had to have us over tonight, what’s going on?” she asked taking a sip of her wine.

  Skyy sighed and looked at her friends. “Promise yall won’t judge me.”

  Jeanette now alert; sat up straight. “What did you do?”

  Skyy shook her head. “Remember when I was telling y’all I been kicking it with this new dude? And we really like each other, like he understands me, we vibe so well.”

  Sasha opened her eyes. “Yea, what about him?”

  Erin lit her blunt again. “Aw shit, she pregnant.”

  Skyy cut her eyes at Erin. “No, I’m not pregnant.” She took a brief dramatic pause, then took a drink from her glass, and continued. “It’s just that “him” … is a “her”.

  Erin laughed. “Bitch, shut up.”

  Skyy gave Erin a serious look, and she stopped laughing, “You for real?”

  Skyy stood up. “I’m not a lesbian or nothing, we just be kicking it, you know, hanging out with some of her peoples, or like taking Skylar to the movies or out to eat. We’re not a couple or nothing like that.”

  Jeanette spoke up. “Skyy, if you like women, don’t be ashamed. We all like what we like.”

  Sasha was next. “If y’all just kicking it, why do you think that makes you gay? Because you liking her now?”

  Erin shrugged. “I mean its semi-gay though.”

  Skyy shot her a look. “We haven’t had sex, we just be chilling.”

  Sasha leaned on the arm of the love seat. “But you like her right?”

  Skyy shrugged. “I guess, but-“

  Sasha stopped her. “So if you like her then try something different, you been talking about this girl for damn near three months. It seems like you already got your mind made up.”

  Jeanette shook her head in agreement. “Right, if you’re looking for disapproval from us, it’s not going to happen.”

  Erin spoke. “They’re right Skyy, just make sure this is what you really want. Just know this is different territory.”

  Skyy exhaled a sigh of relief. “I just don’t want to hear people’s mouths.”

  Erin rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth. “Fuck what “people” got to say. People are always going to have something to say, whether you’re doing good or bad.”

  Sasha cosigned. “Do what makes you happy Skyy. Don’t let people dictate how you live your life.”

  Jeanette agreed. “And if you need anything or somebody to talk to, we got you.”

  Skyy smiled at her friends gratefully. They’d been her backbone almost her whole life. They were there when Jamal; her first love died, and when she miscarried his baby that same night. They were the ones who encouraged her to go on when she got involved with a much older, married man, and had his baby. They were the calm after the storm, and they understood her.

  Skyy had always been the wild one out of the group. She was slightly untamed, but had the gentlest heart. She was rougher than the others with a standoff-ish persona. Yet somehow, she was always in the mix, and usually in the middle of some drama once it unfolded. They accepted her indecisiveness, listened to her problems, and called her out on her bullshit. And for that she cherished the bond they’d built, and the sisterhood she knew she could not live without.

  Jeanette cut in on her thoughts. “Don’t worry about it. We’re not judging you, we lo
ve you regardless.”

  “What ‘Nette said, ain’t nothing changed, believe that.” Sasha said definitively.

  “And if somebody has something to say, let em talk.” Erin stated as a matter of fact, relighting her blunt.

  “I appreciate y’all, I really do,” She let out a sigh of relief. “Cause it’s getting serious. I’ve been holding off on the sex though. I don’t think it’s going to last though, she’s been on me.”

  “Is she a stud?” Erin asked.

  “Yea, why?” Skyy cut her eyes at Erin.

  Erin made a face. “Why not just be with a man then?’’

  Skyy scowled at her. “See… already.”

  Erin frowned. “Already what? I just asked a simple question.”

  Skyy took a sip of her drink. “Why’d you make that face? All that was uncalled for.” she said glaring at Erin.

  “It’s my face, if I-.”

  Sasha cleared her throat, already seeing where this was going. “Skyy, you know E wasn’t trying to go there, and Erin, you know this is still fresh for her.”

  Erin grabbed her glass and drank it all the way down, then got up and headed to the kitchen mumbling.

  Jeanette clapped her hands together. “Ok! Skyy we’re happy for you. Next; Sasha what’s up, we know you got something new, just by the way you stomped in.” she laughed.

  Erin came back with a Grey Goose bottle and a piece of chicken.

  Jeanette shook her head in disappointment. “Erin, don’t nobody want hard liquor, and y’all at each other’s necks enough. I don’t have time for you two to be fighting.”

  Sasha agreed. “I’m with Jeanette, plus I have to go home and deal with Shawn and I need to be fully aware.”

  Skyy reached for a shot as Erin poured them. “Well give me theirs.” She took a shot and slammed the glass playfully on the table.

  Erin grinned. “Now that’s what I’m talking about.”

  “It’s only going on seven, and y’all are going to be sloppy drunk. That’s sad.” Jeanette said.

  Erin poured four shots, handed Skyy two, and kept the other two for her. Both women took the shots, and Erin poured four more, and then turned to Sasha ignoring Jeanette. “So why do you have to be fully aware around Shawn?”

  Sasha grabbed her wine glass and took a small sip. “Because, he’s been on a baby rampage, and I don’t need any slip ups.”

  “He’s still on that?” Jeanette asked.

  “Yes, he’s really starting to get on my nerves.”

  Skyy took her second set of shots. “I don’t understand what the holdup is. You love him, he loves you, and y’all live together…been together for years, so I’m not understanding. The only thing y’all missing is a baby.” she pointed out.

  Sasha shook her head no defiantly. “No, the only thing that’s missing is an engagement ring.” She held up her ring finger. “I’m not about to be just a baby mama, no offense Skyy and Nette.”

  “None taken.” Jeanette said raising her glass.

  Sasha continued, “I want much more than that. What’s wrong with setting standards and sticking to them?”

  Skyy shrugged her shoulders. “I feel you, and did you tell him that?”

  “Skyy, I shouldn’t have to tell him. He knows or at least he should.” she stressed.

  Erin took her shots. “So besides you wanting a ring, which is totally understandable, what is it?”

  Sasha stared at Erin, she hated when she did that. Erin always had to dig deep. She finally responded. “That’s it, I want my damn ring.”

  Erin shrugged her shoulders. “OK, then.”

  Jeanette spoke. “You’re going to get your ring. Is that why you came in here mad?”

  Sasha got mad all over again. “Sort of, I went job hunting today.”

  Erin gave a surprised look. “What.”

  “Yep, I’m looking for a job.” Sasha said.

  Skyy pouted. “You and Shawn having problems? Y’all got the most perfect relationship to me.”

  Sasha disagreed. “Nothing’s perfect. But it’s nothing major. I just want my own money and it’s just harder than I thought. I haven’t had a job in four years, so it’s frustrating, but I’ma figure it out.”

  Jeanette encouraged her. “Just be patient, it’ll come.”

  Skyy agreed with her. “Right, my job is hiring, I can get you on.”

  Sasha turned her nose up. “The strip club is not for me. Thanks but no thanks.”

  Skyy waved her off. “You don’t have to strip; they’re hiring bartenders and waitresses too.”

  Sasha giggled. “Shawn would kill me, so I’ma just keep looking.”

  “OK, if you change your mind, just let me know.”

  Jeanette laughed. “That liquor must be kicking in. You know Shawn would blow that club up. You’re trying to have that man in jail somewhere.”

  Erin raised her eyebrows. “Speaking of jail-.”

  “Aw, shit.” Sasha mumbled.

  Erin continued. “You’re not still putting money on Kory’s books are you?”

  Jeanette drank her wine down, and gave Erin a black stare. “Yes, I am.”

  Erin sighed. “Why?”

  Skyy grabbed the Grey Goose bottle shaking her head.

  Jeanette rolled her eyes. “Because he’s my child’s father. I’m not about to just leave him high and dry Erin. People do work through their problems, everybody don’t just run like you.” She began pouring another drink.

  Sasha looked from Erin to Jeanette, prepared to break up a fight she knew was sure to come.

  Erin smiled unbothered. “I don’t run I just have the strength to walk away, and the common sense to know when enough is enough.”

  Jeanette felt her body getting hot. “So you’re saying I’m weak?”

  Erin gave her a hard stare. “No. I’m saying apparently common sense ain’t so common.”

  Sasha had heard enough. “Ok, stop.”

  Skyy gave her two cents. “Erin that’s uncalled for, if she loves him let her be. You so quick to tell people what it is they should be doing. Ain’t nobody perfect.”

  Jeanette put her hand up. “Naw Sash, Skyy, Erin obviously got something on her chest, let her get it off.”

  Erin took a deep breath and exhaled. “Did you forget why he was in jail?”

  Jeanette shook her head no.

  Erin continued. “He’s constantly putting his hands on you and shit. Had you lain out in a hospital bed with a fuckin’ concussion, and you’re putting money on the nigga books. You always calling somebody or something “sad”, but the sad truth is you need to stop fucking with him Jeanette. You’re my best friend, fuck that, my sister and I’m just trying to look out for you. I hate to come off brash, but it is what it is. I’d expect for you to be straight up with me too.”

  Jeanette knew Erin was a little more than tipsy feeling herself so she spoke calmly. “I can’t do nothing but respect that Erin, but respect my decision to forgive and move on.”

  Jeanette could feel herself tearing up. Leave it up to Erin to air out her dirty laundry and make her feel like shit. She knew Erin didn’t mean any harm she was just being a friend, but her words cut deep. Erin had been at the hospital twice, sometimes three times a day when Kory hospitalized her during their last argument. Her and her six year old son Kory Jr. even stayed with Erin during her three week recovery.

  Jeanette was the lover of the group. She was caring and always went out her way to help others. Yet she had a firm demeanor, and spoke her mind no matter the situation. She didn’t start no shit, but she didn’t take none either. She always carried a strong opinion that made her seem judgmental at times. She was forgiving, and kind, but when it was time to stand up for her or what she believed in, she was beastly.

  Jeanette grabbed the bottle off the table and refilled her cup. She respected Erin’s opinion, but it seemed like Erin never respected her reason. “Erin, it’s called forgiveness. Your ass wouldn’t be alone if you’d try it. Yes, Kory fucked u
p, but we’ve talked and he knows what changes have to be made. So can y’all please just support me?” she pleaded as tears filled her eyes.

  The room was quiet and then Sasha spoke. “Of course we support you Nette. You’re our sister and we love you no matter what.” Sasha stood to give her a strong embrace.

  Skyy followed behind her and joined in on the hug. “Nette we got you.”

  They let go and wiped away the tears that had formed in their eyes. Erin made her way to the circle and stood in front of Jeanette. “You know it’s all love.”

  Jeanette gave her a knowing look. “That’s all it ever is.”

  Chapter Three: How to Love

  Skyy snapped her fingers to the music as she swayed side to side to the beat. It had been a long day, and the vibrant upbeat music had her in a positive trans. Her thoughts went to the conversation she’d had with her homegirls just days ago. She’d finally opened up and let it out; one less burden. Her only problem now was how to react to the reality of her falling in love with another woman.

  Skyy had met Deidra at “Show Me”, a strip joint she was working at as a bartender. Skyy had been working at the club since her twenty first birthday, and she’d lost count on how many times customers had tried to come on to her. She’d met Skylar’s father in that same club, but quickly ended the relationship when she found out he was married. She could recall the night Deidra stepped to her and asked for her number. At first she wasn’t with the whole lesbian ordeal, but Deidra wouldn’t let up and eventually won her over. Deidra would take her and Skylar out, buy her shoes, clothes, and get her hair done. She had just recently refurnished Skyy’s whole apartment. Skyy couldn’t deny that she felt comfortable with Deidra, so she was willing to give it a fair try.

  Her thoughts were interfered when Erin sat down and handed her another drink. “Here hoe.”

  Skyy grinned. “Thanks, I need this. I got a lot on my mind.” She and Erin had been invited by a mutual friend to a small wedding party.

  Erin took a shot, and then drank out her glass. “Rita said a few people, and it’s getting packed.”